[Ky/365 - Project 2010]

Current Song: Three Days Grace - Last To Know.

It's after midnight, and as odd and depressed as my mood is right now, I feel the need to write. I'm upset about last night, but my mood hasn't changed. It seems like I'm supposed to be wrong here, but what happened isn't right. What's dead and left behind should stay that way, you shouldn't be sending her gifts to ruin what we have now just to try to get her back, or whatever your intentions were.

Let's cry ourselves to sleep tonight, just like before we met
All the pain inside that lack of touch never lets us forget
Let's have dreams that bring us happiness away from threat
As I lay awake silently upset, you'll light up another cigarette
And we'll both hope for a future that hasn't happened yet

I edited this post a bit before finishing it, it upset someone I hold very dear to my heart, and I don't want or need that right now. Steph, I'm sorry for taking things harder than usual, it was as unexpected for me as it was for you. I don't appreciate what happened with the package, it never should have been sent to you. I just... Want us to be happy for what we have now, I don't need anyone else trying to mess it up. I'm happy with you, and you're happy with me. I think that's the most important thing right now, because everything is just so damn perfect. I don't want to hurt what we have, and make us drift apart. It was unexpected, and I took it a little too harshly, and I apologize for it. We'll deal with what we're going to do with it when I see you next, just know I'm here.

Back on track... I went to bed at 4am, Bethy kept me up a while talking about lots of random shit. Mostly about the house and how we don't have it yet. And wanting it so dearly too, that's always a factor. I played Left 4 Dead 2 for a bit while she was talking to me, and when she decided to sleep, I did too. I was kind of getting a little irritated with conversation at this point, so like I said, I went to sleep at 4am. To my dismay, I woke up at 1pm by overhearing mom talk about Kathy. She's the lady who would be our new landlord when the house came through. Well that's just it... The house wasn't coming through, instead... It fell through.

The house we were supposed to be getting was a 4 bedroom, and my voucher is good for a 3 bedroom. Apparently, because I'm currently not working due to us constantly moving around, unable to find employment - Kathy feels that we won't be able to afford the rent, utilities, and everything else we need to pay for by living there. So she called us this afternoon, just prior to me waking up to say that we don't qualify to rent her home. I woke up and immediately got depressed, and we tried to talk about it as a family. But as you probably know that's not really the easiest thing to discuss after having your hopes set so high on getting it. It's not that easy to just pick up the pieces and move on, especially after having Kathy tell us when we filled the application out that it was a definate. We were supposed to be in there around Christmas, and then when we weren't we were supposed to be in there after January 1st.

Things fell through, and upon questioning my mom I thought of an idea. Why not pay the damn difference? Why not just try to make it work by doing that? Well, Kathy feels because of needing to pay the difference, we won't be able to do it. Not to mention the fact, that Section 8 recommended us to ask her to go lower on her asking price for rent. She wanted $790, they asked us to try to get her to go $680 so they'd pay most of it. She refused to negotiate, and our life as we know it is now back in the deep in trying to doggy paddle to the wall to keep us from going under. Back to hell, and more so, back to looking for a home... Again, no less.

So with that said, mom went and seen Mary Beth to make some calls, since as I've said before we can't dial out from the hotel room. She left and me and Bethy talked for a while. When I got online, I noticed a very upsetting away message Steph put up. I won't go into it, but it just made me feel even worse... It relates to last night, and while I overreacted, she had every right to put that up for me to see when I got online. It didn't help the situation anymore that it currently was, but I still texted her after specifically telling her I didn't plan on doing so. The truth is, I didn't want to tell her. I didn't want to tell her my hopes for the past few months have since faded into the abyss. I didn't want to stick her with a problem, and make her go through it too... But then came the question that made it happen... "What happened? Tell me, I have a right to know"... And with that, we talked about it. I didn't want her knowing until I was ready to discuss it with her, but I wanted someone to talk to. Someone else other than my sister. Bethy dozed off, so I didn't have her company. And Steph was all I got, so between customers, she'd text me about it.

She didn't like it one bit, and I could tell she wasn't happy, let alone satisfied with any part of the situation. It bummed me out, because the last time she stayed here with us for New Years, I went and I showed her the house. I took her there, showed her the outside of it, pointed things out and kissed her afterward telling her that was ours. And now look at it, dreams crushed to no end... I'm always in the hole. Can't you ever give me a fucking break? And to think, her Dad and Lisa asked me "So, when are you moving into the house?", and I had to tell them "Don't know, hopefully within a week"... Yeah, this is going to make me look real damn good towards them. It'd be like I lied about the whole damn thing. I don't want to get one any one's bad side, I want to always be favored for who I am, and I'm trying my best to keep it that way. They like me... I don't want that to change. Especially since I plan to marry his daughter someday. It just hurts beyond compare, and that's the central part of my life - Pain. I'm always dealing with some shitty end of the stick. I'm always the one getting left behind in the dust and shafted. The rusted fork in the road never seemed more dull to me than it does now. Anyway... We talked online like I said... And when she was on break, Steph called me and we talked for a bit... Then she had to go back to work. After last nights, and this morning's developments we weren't that talkative... Of course. But we talked about some stuff, which was good. Then of course I got back online for a little while, but never got any messages. Figured she was busy and I went to play some more Left 4 Dead 2.

Mom made the calls and came back while I was playing. We talked a bit, and Mary Beth said she'd extend it for a few days (This is a little confusing, so I'll explain it. Apparently, she already has clearance to keep us here until the 11th of January, and it's already been booked and paid for. She said she'd keep us here for a day or two, probably to make us work our asses off trying to find a new place to rent. Either way, I'm expecting the 11th to be our departure date from the hotel. NOT today, or tomorrow.) past today. She also said she called Section 8 about getting me moving papers, and another voucher... Which is essentially the same damn thing, either way that end is taken care of. On another note, the big hold up was with the house Kathy was going to rent to us. See, I have so many days to rent something or I go back on the dreaded Section 8 waiting list. That's a bad bad thing, because it'll take years to get off of it, and in that time frame we'll be living the same way we've been living - Without a home, and with someone else. That's why it's imperative to find something within the time frame for my voucher. The hold up was the end date was around the time we were supposed to get the house, so for example if it fell through, I'd be off the voucher program and back on the waiting list. Get my drift? So we asked for the extension around the same time we applied for the home, and luckily they were nice enough to extend it until February 26th, which is wonderful and gives us at least an opportunity to make a good effort at finding something. Mom also set up two showings tomorrow for houses, one at 10am and the other at 4pm. She's also supposed to go and see Mary Beth again tomorrow to make more phone calls.

Mom got on to talk to Nick while I played Left 4 Dead 2 a bit more. And mom said to me she could either go out and get us something to eat, or we could all go out to eat. I know she didn't really have money, and if she did she'd need it for moving, or gas for the van,k and paying storage... So I suggested dollar menu burgers from Wendy's, and she said she'd see. Took a while to wake Bethy up, but she said that Wendy's was alright, and mom left to get the food and to re-rent Left 4 Dead 2. Me and Bethy bullshitted some more, and mom came back with the food, the game, and Paranormal Activity which was odd because we said not to. This was around 7pm, and we ate while she got on to talk to Nick afterward. She had wanted to go and get some cookies at Giant Eagle in the worst way, and finally around 8:50 went with Bethy to get them. I talked to Steph when they left, well... No, I sent her a text and shortly after that I hear a big gigantic crash come from behind me.

The TV Steph's Dad gave me, that Steph brought here over New Years fell off of the makeshift stand (It's an Ottoman, LAWL) and onto the floor. I went to check it out, the cats knocked it over, and I don't know which one. But I bet it was Miss Prissy (Steph calls her Miss Bitch :D) because she ran and was hiding from me when I got up to check it out. When I looked, the top left of the cover was cracked right above the screen. It's no big deal, but it pissed me off royally... Plus that, and there was Pork and Sauerkraut EVERYWHERE on the floor, and on the TV. Somehow it was near the fall, or even on top of the TV. I don't know how the hell it got there, or why, but it was everywhere and I had to clean it all up. I wasn't a happy camper believe me.

Just look at her guilty face :)!


When I got back on the computer Steph was wondering what happened and why I wasn't on, and I told her about it. We got to talking about everything for a good while, before Mom and Bethy got back with their goodies. They got me 2 Snickers bars, which I won't complain, are very tasty. I would have preferred something else. I told them about what happened with the TV, and they didn't really seem to care either way. I talked to Steph for a bit longer, and she invited me to play zOMG with her and Mike. I never met Mike, only as far as to say hi over AIM every now and again when she said she was talking to him. I figured why not, and loaded it up. I had asked mom about batteries, I needed two AA because our Xbox 360 Wireless Controller was completely shot in the ass with it's batteries. She didn't get them when they were out, so she made a big deal about why we needed them, and decided to go back to Giant Eagle a second time to get some. I played some more, we just hung out in Village Greens smacking some Fluffs up North. I buffed them a bit, and only carried one attack ring. They both seemed to be having fun, so that's all that really matters. I ran into Anna and Greedz, and tried not to say anything, but I figured they'd wonder why I hadn't at least said hello. So I sent Anna a "Hi, how are you" but decided to leave Greedz out of it.

There's a long story with them, I don't want to get into it, but we had a massive fallout a few months back, right around the time me and Steph started dating. Long story short, they took the game way too seriously, and I had made a clan with lots and lots of upcoming events. These events weren't finalized yet, but apparently they thought they were, even though I marked them as pending. When I didn't make one of the events because I was at Steph's place being with her, they got upset and thought it would be funny to put up an edit that I felt was distasteful and highly offensive. And that's where it came to be... We had a fallout, and just recently started talking to each other again.

But I said hello and we continued our little endeavor, which ended shortly afterward. Mike logged off, and me and Steph decided to go to Barton to check out the Tree there. It was nice to finally have a small conversation with him, I heard he was pretty cool, so meeting him was fun even though it was his virtual counterpart. After we got to Town, Steph got into a sneezing fit and wanted to close the game, and around the time we were going to log off, someone insulted her. I got into an argument with said moron :) Had a fun time with that. Ran into Buggy which was a friend of Greedz and Anna, and we talked for a little bit while Steph closed the game out. I provided him with a map to hunt the Mushrooms in Village Greens for his badges, and then I got off zOMG. Me and Steph talked for a while on AIM, and Nick called shortly after Mom and Bethy left to get the batteries. I told him to call back, and shortly after that they got back here. I told him to call, and he did, and they talked for a bit. But then Mom got annoyed and decided to go down to the computer room in the lobby, since I was on Bethy's Laptop. Bethy went with her while I talked to Steph, only to come back up later annoyed as fuck with Mom.

Mom as usual didn't know what she was doing with anything, and Bethy asked her questions and Mom would snap at her. You know, usual stuff, that's how my Mom is. We talked for a while about it, while I talked to Steph about Dragon Age: Origins, which is a game we both really really want. Made a list of the Download Content (DLC) For it, so I know where I can get such and such bonus item for my character when we do get it. Steph got off and decided to call me, and we came to a conclusion. She will keep the food she got from Hans, but will throw out the DVD's and the CD's. There were some we were curious about and decided to wait until later to decide what to do with them. But for now, they'll be in a place at her house, and we'll decide on what to do with them later. She won't contact him about the package, and won't make any effort to say thank you and not to send anything else. She'll just let it go, which I have to say I'm happy about... I don't want that coming up to be an issue anymore. Even though, I'd still like her to eventually get her things back that she left at his place in Norway... That will be a real fun trip to try to get those, believe me :/.

Bethy also had me jumping on the bed while I was talking to Steph online before she called me, she wanted to get an aerial shot of me jumping on the bed. Trying to do that is hard as hell, have you ever tried? It's a bitch to get a good shot unless you have a camera that takes continuous shots manually. It didn't go well, and instead we decided to do some videos of it for the hell of it. It was funny, I brought Bill-E back for a hotel rendezvous video. Bill-E was a newer character I made before we left our house in Brackenridge, where he's a retard and he goes and jumps on the bed with a stupid retarded voice. It's funny, but yeah we did that and then she called me.

We talked for a bit when she called, and Bethy was trying to be funny while I was on the phone, and I just rolled over cause I'm a jerk like that, haha. But Steph and me got off a little while after she called, and we decided to watch Paranormal Activity. I really wasn't impressed with it, I mean it was addicting to watch it, expecting something to happen... But I mean, this movie wasn't that great. It wasn't horrible, just not that great. I feel it was way way way over hyped. It's supposedly based on a true story, but after seeing that I really question exactly what was REAL that it was based off of. It's hard to say, I guess I'll need to do some research. The movie had three endings, whereas the DVD had the Theatrical Ending, and the Alternate Ending. This is kind of confusing, but basically the movie was made in 2007 with a third ending, and that was changed when Steven Spielberg asked them to change it to better the film. The third ending is hard to find, but if you google it I'm sure after a few hits you'll find it. If you'd like to know about it, ask me.

But it really wasn't that spectacular of a movie. I'd recommend watching it, but it's not really scary. I'm sure some of you lightweights with gore and spooky movies will jump a lot, but really I wasn't all that impressed with it. It was addicting, I'll give it that. But totally not impressed that much. The girl was hot though, so I'll give it two stars for her, haha. Don't hate me ;).

That's really all that happened, and it's now 4:40am as I begin ending this blog. I'm not late, technically, as I've had it posted already. Tomorrow's will begin with when I wake up and what happens and all of that good stuff. We have a wake up call at 8:30am to get ready for the showings.

Anyway... Sleep well my little minions, hopefully tomorrow is a better day...