[Ky/365 - Project 2010]

Current Song: Linkin Park - Not Alone (Music For Relief - Haiti Donation Pack).

I was up most of the night due to Lucifer meowing his fucking head off to go outside... This is getting ridiculous, just shut the fuck up already :( We've been giving you attention and letting you out occasionally. But when we do all you do is run off and hide somewhere. We're not going to let you out because of that... You're being a bad bad kitty. I woke up at 9:20am, after a few times of waking up because of the AC and needing to run to the bathroom... Finally got annoyed enough and said fuck sleep and flipped on the TV to watch the weather. As I flipped through the channels I found out the BRESMA kids have landed in Pittsburgh :) I'm so happy they did, they're finally out of there and into a nice place where they'll be taken care of and adopted. Mom eventually woke up at 10am when I went over and nudged her, she woke up and started watching the BRESMA stuff with me, and Bethy woke up too. So we've all been watching that. Mom was going to go outside and have a smoke at 10:30, but the phone rang and it was Mary Beth :) Punctual today, I like it. We didn't have to call her, you came right to us... So Mom talked to her and apparently...

They're finishing up the stuff on the house, they had a pipe burst which we knew. She can't keep us here anymore, they'd only pay for 30 days, we've officially been here 31 days. They're finishing up the house, we might not get into it by the end of the week, since they're still doing repairs, and it still needs reinspected. She can bring us into the shelter for a few days, spend days there, nights at the church... Unless we have somewhere else to go for a few days. We don't know what to do right now, we're weighing everything out with consequences, pros and cons. We can go to David's, but we'll be annoyed as fuck for the next few days. We could sleep in the van, which means it's cold as hell outside for the next few days and we barely have any gas to support the heater. Or we could go to the shelter, and be there until the house comes in for final processing. Or... We could go back to Nick's. And those of you who have been following me, have known why I don't want to do that - This hasn't changed. I got in a big fight with Steph because she was intending to come if all went well, but then decided not to... Which pissed me off because I was really hoping to see her today. Not just because of her wanting to, but because we have that Extraordinary Measures movie to go to tonight. She did want to go, but then decided against it because the gas would be an issue... Just like it would have been if she came. So we're not talking, and I got really mad at her. I don't think I want to talk to her for a while, I'm really upset, I really wanted to see her today :(... It's always when I really really want to see her, she can never come. It depresses me... Especially when I say I really need her. Why is it when people really need someone, they don't like to give you the time of day to make it happen? Some people do, but why is it I never get that type of respect? I give it to everyone... Hell, I've walked through ice and snow, below freezing temperatures... Caught buses with like less than an hour of sleep... I am so outgoing, and more willing than anyone else I know. And when it comes to me, it's never given back to that extent. That's pathetic, in my opinion.

Anyway... Since we weren't talking, and we needed to get the hell out of the room... We packed everything up, Mom and Bethy got their showers, and we spent the rest of the morning contemplating on what to do. We finally left the hotel at 1:30pm, after a series of setbacks because of Mom taking her time. Bethy remembered the phone thing with the hotel, if you put the money down on it, you'd get it back when you left. It was $20, and she got it, and this helped Mom make the decision that we could finally get to Nick's, and she pushed the issue... We didn't know what to do, and were just pushing "We don't care" even though we really did. We decided that we'd figure it out later and decided to go and take some pictures. Got some with the now melted snowman, and a few others, and Mom said she wanted to print directions for getting down to Jack's place before we left... I'll go into that another time, basically long story short would be he's a dickhead who wanted pictures of her, and when he never got them he got pissed off with her. She finally gave them to him, and while they weren't the ones he wanted, you'd think he'd be happy with it... He wasn't. He decided not to talk to her, and since they haven't really talked. Because of this Mom is all pissed off with me and Bethy for it... Because we didn't do the pictures and he wanted them. Blah blah blah, right? She annoyed me when I printed them, asking me about addresses for there, and the print settings, but they got done and we left. Took some more pictures of the pool, and us standing in front of the Clarion sign, and left to go and see Mary Beth. First getting gas at the gas station by the bridge, $15 worth with $5 remaining out of the $20 from the hotel phone down payment... And then we heading up to her office.

When we got there, me and Mom went in and she said she'd be with us in a few minutes. So we went and sat down, and shortly after that she came and saw us. Mom went into all these things with life, and me wearing shorts, and Kelly... Because we mentioned not wanting to go into the shelter. I really didn't care, I would have been okay with it, but I reconfirmed what I already knew - Bull Creek Presby is one of the shelter churches for the people who need a place to stay. Mary Beth said so, and we got into this big thing about Kelly, and how she's suicidal, and this and that about how she never gave me the ring back, and that we did all this stuff for her Birthday and Easter, and she broke up with me. I knew Mary Beth didn't want to hear about it, but Mom kept talking like she always does... And eventually Mary Beth said she needed to get back to work. Mom didn't tell her about the plan for going to Nick's place... Instead she told her we could stay with Adelle or David. Figures... And when we were leaving Mom suggested we get another extension for Section 8 "just in case" something happens with this house. Mary Beth said no, that we'd see how it goes, and that Newt was going to finish everything up today and that he's going to call her when he's done. That he's going to have the inspector out there sometime in the next day or two, and that we might have the house before Friday at the latest - Depending. She also said that she wanted us to come back tomorrow to talk to her about it... I'm assuming she knows more than we do, that we might just get the key tomorrow. So I told Mom when we left it wouldn't be a good idea to go to Nick's if we need to come back tomorrow to see her. As usual, she fought that by saying she could just call her. Which is funny, because when Mary Beth told Mom to call every time before this, Mom decided to waste gas by driving there to see her... Even getting her sick a few times in the process. So much for being sensible, eh?

When we left there, Mom still kept pushing Nick's on us, and I told her to go and get my glasses fixed before doing anything else. Instead she went to go to the bank first, just to check balances of their accounts. She had about $1.50 if she put her and Bethy's account together... She'll get money tomorrow fro unemployment, but that's beside the point. Afterward, we went and she got my glasses repaired, and talked to them about Bethy's contact issues, which are drying problems or something... I forget. Then we went over to Community and got some stuff, as I was hungry and wanted a hoagie. The hoagies there looked like shit, so I recommended Giant Eagle and we went there after we were done. We got some stuff though, I got two gallons of Green Tea, and Chocolate Chip and M&M Cookies, because they looked really really good... I know, I'm bad, I cheated by getting them. But this time, I wanted to treat myself to something nice, and I love those types of cookies, and they had a lot of chips. Don't judge me.

When we were done, we went to Giant Eagle, and Bethy got herself a bunch of healthy shit... Some Salad, and some fruit and vegetable drinks. Me and Mom both got hoagies there, which looked really good at first, but later when we ate them they tasted dry and horrible. It was like dry cardboard, and even all the dressing, mustard and mayonnaise didn't help it taste any better. I also got myself two Dr. Peppers, but I needed to submit myself to Diet ones because they appeared to be out of regular, which upset me... The only reason I bought them were for the EA Games promotion for free DLC content. I got two of them, so hopefully I got enough to get some of the prizes they are offering me with purchase. When we were done eating our pathetic meals - We all weren't satisfied with, Mom called Nick and pretty much shoved it down our throats even more. So we said fuck it and we decided to come here... Drove Route 28 just before 4:30pm, and got through Downtown just before it hit 5pm. Traffic wasn't that bad but still... And the fountain Downtown looks like it's permanently off, which upsets me too because I wanted to do a photo shoot there with Bethy sometime... Ah well...

We got to Nick's place at like 5:45pm, and all of the way here there were no fucking good songs on the radio on every single station we listen to. That's literally about an hour of music we don't know on any radio station. If the world wasn't ending before, it is now because of this. This is also pathetic. When we got here, we brought the cats in, and Nick and Stephen were home, and Stephen was going out tonight. He's not going to the movie, but apparently we are, because they are pushing that as well. Me and Bethy went outside and got the laptops, and came in so I could use them. She hopped on first, and then me, and that's where this blog came from... And honestly, as far as seeing the movie... I don't feel like it, but I do want to see it. And I sit here on Bethy's laptop looking on my AIM list, which I made myself invisible on... She's online, but I don't want to talk to her. In some ways, I know I'm wrong... But I'm incredibly disappointed in her. And I know she's going to read this tonight, sometime. I can't help but be disappointed, I'm so damn outgoing, and I do what I have to do to make things happen. To give her what I want, and while I know I'm not being entirely fair, I can't help but be upset about it... I know I'm asking a lot, but that's what love is. Asking a lot, and meeting each other halfway... Can't you love me that much? Can't you?...

It's now 6:30pm... Movie is at 7:30pm, so we're going to go... I think this time, as much as I want her at my side to watch this with me, being alone is what I need most. Especially being back in this shit hole...

Just got back, the movie was awesome... Definitely a tearjerker. I highly recommend it when it's finally released, as this was just a pre-screening of it. It was a little long, we didn't get out until 9:20pm. On the way there I slept the whole way just because I wanted to be up for a while tonight, I want some time for myself... I figure being alone on the trail here is just what I need. When we finally got there, it was odd to be back in The Waterfront, the very place I grew up three years of my life dating my ex-girlfriend Heather. From the looks of things, nothing's really changed, so who knows. It was just odd being back in the area, at the very place we used to spend a lot of our time. But no use bringing up old memories of flames that have since hindered and faded, as they aren't important anymore. Just recollecting on it to put in this blog, for anyone who reads it to know about it... When the movie was about halfway over, the lights turned back on, which was totally uncalled for. But what happened next was just way way more uncalled for - The whole movie went black right at the climax. It took about 5 minutes and it kicked back on, and it was over in like another 10 minutes. And all the while throughout the movie we had an annoying little girl behind us that just wouldn't shut up about her problems, most likely in regards to an imaginary friend that stole her fucking toy. Who knows, but we had some time to enjoy the movie when she got taken outside by her teenage mother. God, if you're going to a screening, everyone else is into the movie, just because you're not doesn't mean you have to ruin the damn thing for everyone else. Leave your damn kid home. When the movie was over we went and checked out the upstairs of AMC. We've done it before back in like 2006 or 2007, it doesn't look any different, other than the fact the Steelers and the stars of Sex In The City were there one before. I'm sure some other people were too, but we just decided to check it out, as it's very VIP-like and they have a restaurant up there with access to it from anyone, even without a ticket. Really ritzy like, I want to eat there someday though, especially for the Cheesecake they had in a poster upstairs.

Then we drove back to Nick's... And it was a very boring drive, listening to Delilah. One thing that happened today, is my hands, and my legs are really really sore. Like, my hands are sore to the point where they're numb and I couldn't move them that much once or twice today. They're fine now, but... I don't know what happened there. And my legs, typical growing pains, and they fucking hurt. I think one reason for my right knee hurting is because I slammed the side door of the van earlier and the door hit my kneecap :(. I hope it goes away though, maybe all I need is to rest my legs on the couch. Who knows.

That's about it, I'm going to eat some Hamburger Helper that Nick made for us before we got here, and I might go out on the bridge and trail later to take some pictures... Not to mention upload the ones I've failed to do so, so far. I'm going to relax so... Here's hoping tomorrow things are better, and we get the damn key, because I promised myself I wouldn't come back to this shit hole.

And I'm not about to start changing that now...

Night...

Alone I'll walk this road of life...
Without you... Without you...
Alone I'll cry myself to sleep tonight...
To doubt you... To doubt you...
I'll take this breath inside of me, and exhale it clearly...
You can see it's chill, a knife to the hilt...
This is the way it ends...